Need some help.

[justme]

I posted here awhile ago about my ex boyfriend and how we were sleeping together and stuff:,,(we have a 2 yr old daughter together)
Well heres the thing, I started seeing this guy i like him a great deal, we get along great have alot in common and he treats me the best im always happy when im with him.
My ex told me the other day that he wants his family back and misses me and loves me and wants to get back together with me..I love my ex with all my heart but i dont know if i can go back to him, he hurt me in soo many ways, leaving me for another woman,lying to me, breaking my heart 3 times.I just dont know ifd it is worth it,
I'm confused though becuz of the love I do have for him,I dont know if i should try and work things out or not..
If I decide not to..Ho do I tell him without hurting him and making him cry(im very kind hearted)...I have never broke up with a guy or had the decision left to me to make.
I dont want to hurt him at all....but i dont know what to do..I told him i had some thinking to do and all that i come back with is how he hurt me and i dont know if i will ever forget it....
What do I do????????Please help

[eightball61]

I dont want to hurt him at all....

You don't want to hurt him but it's ok for him to hurt you :confused: ...Now, that doesn't make much sense if you ask me.

Did your ex make this decision after you told him about the other guy? or does he not know about the other guy?

I have read your last post and you were told then to stop the ual relationship with him. From the sounds of it you are contineing that role still. If you are then you must stop. Having with him is only benefiting him and not you.

If you were to go back with the ex. you may forgive but you'll never forget the pain he has caused. You know found someone else that can open the light for you and has done a good job in doing that. You won't be able to detach yourself from your ex. because of the child but you can try to work on getting over him. You are spending to much time working for something he has hurt you on multiple times with.

It is up to you if you want to go back but if I was in your position I wouldn't. He had his chance to have a good life with you but he has made other choices. He lost out on that opportunity and now you have someone that you met that shows you the happiness that you are looking for.

[justme]

Thats the thing I dont want to hurt him even though he has hurt me so many different times....If I was to tell him no its done then i know myself would not be able to take it when he starts to cry, I would end up giving in..I dont know how to stand my ground.
He dont know that im seeing him but he does know that I hang out with him,he thinks we are just friends.
I'm not having any sort of ual relations with him at all, I cut those off a long time ago( right after i was told to)He tries all the time to get me in the bed but I wont do it, He gets upset about this,Like I said imvery confused and just looking for advice I thank you for your advice...I dont feel like I want to be with him I just dont know how to say it without hurtin him real bad..

[eightball61]

If you go back with him then he has won. He will know he got that victory and he will do the same thing latter down the road when he meets someone else. You both continued the because he needed someone to be there for him. That someone is you and he knows he can get away with that.

If you don't stand your ground then you are allowing this hurt to happen. I don't feel any pity if you keep going back to him like this. He has you locked up and he knows he can get you anytime. It's your choice on where to guide your life. You have a good man you spoke good about and you'd be a fool to miss out on that oppoirtunity for this scum........

[justme]

I understand what you are saying and thank you once again you know you are helping me relize alot.
I do have a great man by me right now, he is the best,
How do I tell my ex though?...How do i tell him that its done without hurting him and having to listen to him cry at me and making me feel quilty, I know if i start to feel bad i will give in and I dont want to...I do love him I dont want to hurt him,,,,But you are sooo right!!!!

[eightball61]

The only reason why he may cry is because he lost out on having when he needs it. The only way in getting it out is to just "TELL HIM". He is the one that lost out. He may try to make you feel bad but again he is the one that put himself in this position.

You now have a child to take care of. Your child's safety should be you main focus. Your ex. will always have the title "Dad" but he will never carry out the responsibilty to be a role-model. He may mature one day but right now he isn't husband material. If you go back to him I garentee you'll just end up getting hrt again.

[justme]

Thank you:
I'm going to tell him its done, you are right he will more then likely just hurt me again,
My child is my first priorty and always will be, shes my life and I dont want to make the wrong choices because of her.
So I'm going to tell him enough is enough and its done, I think I'm also going to tell this other guy its done as well.
because I dont think I should be seeing anyone at all untill im over figuring out myself.
Thank you again.

[eightball61]

Thank you:
I'm going to tell him its done, you are right he will more then likely just hurt me again,
My child is my first priorty and always will be, shes my life and I dont want to make the wrong choices because of her.
So I'm going to tell him enough is enough and its done, I think I'm also going to tell this other guy its done as well.
because I dont think I should be seeing anyone at all untill im over figuring out myself.
Thank you again.


You have a very good plan mapped out here for you & and your daughter. You are now taking the motherly approach and you should have a big smile on your face because of that. Keep standing your ground and don't your ex. get to you. I also, wouldn't lose this new guy right off. Tell him your thoughts and that you still want to be friends until you are ready to move on beyond that.

Goodluck

[justme]

Thank you,
I more then likely will have a smile on my face when he is done work today and I get it all out, I know hes going to cry and make me feel like crap for this, but it is the best choice in the long run..( i dont want to be hurt anymore, and he will just do it oer and over again) unless i stop it right now!..I will tell the other man my thoughts and see how he takes it, I hope he takes it well because I can see myself falling for him when I'm better off with myself.
Take care

[eightball61]

Take care


You take care also and let me know how it goes.



ps
Stand strong and don't allow his words to weaking you.

[justme]

I told him!!!!!!.
I told him last night that we were never going to be together again, I told him that I couldn't do it, I told him I couldn't live with this stress anymore I have enough stress going on right now and told him I did not need anymore and being with him would just cause more....I told him I couldn't live without that trust and I dont have it for him and I told him that I couldn't be with someone I would always wonder if he was going to leave me or if he found another, I told him everything.
He was upset and mad at me , he told me he wanted his family back and that he dont want to miss me and that he loves me soo much, I just told him I am not doing it that i couldn't do this anymore.So now hes mad at me but I feel soo much better knowing im not thinking aout it anymore, I feel bad but i know in my heart it was the right choice.....
thank you again...... :)

[eightball61]

I feel bad but i know in my heart it was the right choice.....



You should always go with your inner voice. Your inner voice is right 99% of the time and now you know that. You did the right thing and I am proud that you stood your ground. He will still be in your life because of the child but don't let anything else go beyond that. Your focus now should a better life for you and your child. You have met a nice new man so keep that friendship up until you are ready for another relationship.

Goodluck to you ;)

[justme]

You are just so wonderful and have gave me some great advice I thank you for this and i will over and over again,I do feel better with myself now, and it will be hard when he is around to see our daughter but i wont give in, it is for the best and i know this now.
thank you..

[eightball61]

Your welcome & please feel free to keep me updated on this thread or IM me at anytime. I will come here to visit every now & then and I will look for your updates.

Take Care :)