Need some advice [Archive]

stryker6040

08-07-2005, 07:48 PM

Need some advice this is gonna be long.

ok a few weeks ago out of the blue my ex from febuary just shows up on my door. she was in town to see her parents cause after we broke up her lease on her apartment was up and she met a new guy that lived in jackson and moved down there with him. we got to talking and she was telling me her life wasnt the best with him and he treated her like crap and that she missed me and since we never really offically broke up she still had feelings for me. she said she wanted to work on things. well she left and was supposed to call me that night but i never heard from until 2 weeks later when out of the blue i get a phone call from her mom says that she is on her way back to grand rapids and she broke up with her bf and he threatened to kill her and her kids if she left and wanted to know if i could help move her stuff back soon. well later that night my ex shows up at my door again and we did some more talking about things. we hung out monday, tuesday, and wednesday night and all was good and she asked me if i wanted to be together again and i said i would. she left wednesday night and all was good and she was gonna call me on my lunch break the next day. lunch came and gone and i didnt hear anything from her so i gave her a call she answered and i asked did you forget to call she said no i just have a head ach right now so i said well i can let ya go if you want and she said ok ill call you later. waited till 730pm that night and still hadnt heard from her so i gave her a call and her mom answered and said she was taking a nap and she would call me later which never happened. so friday on my lunch break i tried to call her and got the answering machine so left a message and never got called back. well friday night i couldnt sleep and began to think is something was wrong so i went for a drive and ended up in her moms neighborhood and guess whos car i saw outside next to my exs, her supposed bf that she had broke up with to come back to grand rapids. so saturday i tried to call and got the answering machine and left a message and never got called back and now here we are on sunday with yet still no contact.

ok now that the story is done what does everyone think is going on here? was i just being used until they worked there stuff out or what. i really did love this girl once and those feelings never went away and came back very strong when she showed up in my life again and i thought we were together but now feels as if my heart was ripped from my chest and stomped on.

anyone have any advice or what to do?
thanks

eightball61

08-07-2005, 09:05 PM

She keeps coming back to you with these mixed messages because you are allowing her to. She is in a situation that you can't help her with. She also has children that she needs to think about. This girl needs time and space in order to figure things out. She doesn't need to have you harping on her in wanting a relationship. She has only been coming to you to seek comfort and nothing more. It's ok to be a friend to her but don't let things go beyond that.

stryker6040

08-08-2005, 12:54 AM

eightball61

08-08-2005, 01:18 AM

she came back into my life she brought this all on i did not go looking to get back with her she asked me if i wanted to be together again

She did come back but she keeps leaving. You have found his car at her house and that alone proves my thoughts. She is not totally over him and she is most likely trying to work things out with him. She is coming back to you for someone to talk with and nothing more. If she wanted more then you wouldn;t be here posting about this confusion.

Question:

Did she have children with this guy or was it a variety of different guys?

stryker6040

08-08-2005, 04:01 AM

She did come back but she keeps leaving. You have found his car at her house and that alone proves my thoughts. She is not totally over him and she is most likely trying to work things out with him. She is coming back to you for someone to talk with and nothing more. If she wanted more then you wouldn;t be here posting about this confusion.

Question:

Did she have children with this guy or was it a variety of different guys?

her kids are from a different guy from about 5 years ago. her current guy has one of his own but has put my ex and her kids in the situation were they are the bad guys all the time and him and his kid are perfect. plus he is going through a divorce which is long aways from being final. this wouldnt bug me if it was with someone else but as stated above we never really had any clouser in our first attemp and then all of a sudden she is back in my life asking if i wanted to be together again. i feel used and led on. why would you go back to anyone that treated you that bad and threatened to kill you and your kids. plus that fact that one of the nights we did get together i talked with her dad and mom and they confirmed all of which she has told me so i know she wasnt just making up stories for me to feel bad for her. but i guess i am better then all this drama and at least i would call someone to say hey thanks for being there for me but i dont wanna led you on and i am gonna work things out with my bf. thats just me though.

just when life looks up something like this happens.

eightball61

08-08-2005, 12:17 PM

i feel used and led on.

Who wouldn't feel used after this. This is why I point out her actions right at the beginning rather than milking the situation. I was hoping that you would understand instead of being in denial.

She is most likely giving him chances because she wants things to be like they used to. The problem is that things will never be that way unless a big changed happened and that would still take time to go through.

Be happy though that you understand now. It's ok to be a friend to her but don't get caught up in the middle of things. Just keep respectable distance and things should be fine.

Goodluck

stryker6040

08-08-2005, 01:46 PM

Who wouldn't feel used after this. This is why I point out her actions right at the beginning rather than milking the situation. I was hoping that you would understand instead of being in denial.

She is most likely giving him chances because she wants things to be like they used to. The problem is that things will never be that way unless a big changed happened and that would still take time to go through.

Be happy though that you understand now. It's ok to be a friend to her but don't get caught up in the middle of things. Just keep respectable distance and things should be fine.

Goodluck

thanks for your help with this you helped me to wake up and realize a lot i should have saw some of the signs when we were hanging out but i was cuaght up in the moment i am just gonna keep my distance from her and the situation and keep myself busy with other aspects of my life. as you stated with change she mentioned to me about him that he hasnt changed his ways in 6 months so why would he now all of a sudden so maybe she will wake up and take her own advice

thanks again

eightball61

08-08-2005, 03:37 PM

he hasnt changed his ways in 6 months so why would he now all of a sudden so maybe she will wake up and take her own advice

That's something that her mind will need to figure out. Hopefully she will wake up but right now she's in denial and doesn't want to let him go. The best decision that you can make is to just keep your space.

Goodluck :)

stryker6040

07-14-2006, 05:45 AM

this is a very old subject and almost a year later from the original post date but guess who wrote me an email today?????? ill give you 3 guess but youll only need one

LetsMakeOut

08-17-2006, 08:01 PM

My advice is to forget her and move on. Why do you need closure? Shouldn't the fact that it didn't work out be enough? Even if it was for bullshit reasons, she went and made the problem worse by bringing this lunatic into the picture. Get out now before you get hurt a lot worse later on, trust me.